Recently I asked my Discord members "If you were to interview me, what questions would you ask?" I partly expected the same questions one might see in a Sex Work geared interview. Listing of kinks and fetishes, asking about how one got started etc. but I was met with curiosity and genuine questions about my lifestyle and profession.
What surprises have you had since you started working as a professional Domme?
I’ve had both positive and negative surprises. Positive, the support from fellow Sex Workers and Professionals. Its a small community and with all of the backlash, trash takes from media and government, the stigma against the sex work, LGBTQ+, trans communities, we need all the support we can get and I’ve seen amazing things happen and keep happening.
Negative. The amount of subs/clients, that even after being told countless times, by many Sex Workers, decline doing any kind of screening. We understand that privacy and safety is important, but so is ours. If you don't screen for us, we won’t see or talk to you.
What were your biggest worries starting out? What are your biggest worries now?
My biggest worry going into this is every SW biggest fear is being outed or doxed. Personal information about our lives being leaked, details we want to keep from the public eye. Elements that can harm us, our families, and our friends. We take significant risks to do this line of work; we put a lot of time and effort into protecting our clients' safety and privacy. We want the same from our clients and fans.
Another worry, which is the same as many others, is burnout. We love what we do; we love the connections and the exploration of ourselves while being a provider of inquiry for others. But, we sometimes burn the candle at both ends and burn out. Self-care is imperative, as remembering to take days off to recharge, recenter, and focus. (If you're a submissive/bottom reading this, take the time to make sure that your Dominant/top is taking the proper time to take care of themselves, and offer any way to help that process.)
A few of my other concerns are slow days/months. It happens. We all have those periods. I spend my off time focusing on my home, family, and friends and putting more energy into my inner circle. I also spend time creating content and working on my website.
What advice would you give to a young person just becoming independent?
SO MUCH! Educate yourself on the basics. Everything from ordinary practices, terminology, emergency life safety, toy and equipment safety, and sanitation. It's a common misconception of some who want to get into this line of work that you can just step into it and do it. You just can't. And that is when people get in trouble or, worse, harmed.
Authenticity. Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy and brand yourself that way.
Protect your boundaries and limits. No paycheck or client is worth the stress or discomfort of crossing your limitations, especially for someone/people who are okay with you doing that.
Watermark your content. I can't stress this enough. With the rising number of catfish and scammers, protect yourself. Watermarks inevitably won't save you from a catfish or scammer, but it does help. (for more resources, visit villainatrix.com/resources)
Where have you been pushing your boundaries/limits lately?
I have steadily been pushing my own boundaries since I started. When I first started, I was inexperienced. I only practiced in a few areas and was happy with that for a while. The hunger grew into what I am now. I found that playing online only wasn't enough, so I started taking in-person clients, where I found my passion. Watersports are the boundary or soft limit I've been pushing myself on recently. I've kept that in my soft limits because I knew someday I would want to explore that area more. But I also knew I only wanted to do that with people I truly felt comfortable with, which gave me the time and space to explore. Luckily, I have a couple guinea pigs in my inner circle who are more than happy to be the vessels where I experiment and play.
What sacrifices have you chosen to make to achieve your goals? What sacrifices have you been delaying making?
I have not had to sacrifice much to make this a large part of my life. Both professionally and personally. I also see few future sacrifices besides time, money, and energy. I am on a steady path to where I want to be. I can't say what the future will bring me; anything can happen, but I hope to learn a lot and meet some fantastic people.
How do you handle your privacy and the separation of pro and civilian life? Are you out to friends or family? How have they responded?
My personal life and professional life live next to one another pretty seamlessly. Obviously, I keep specific details out of my professional life and aspects of my professional life that I don't "bring home" with me. So far, it's been relatively easy to live both lives alongside one another. I was blessed from the very start of having support from family and friends. I came out to my family as a SW when I knew this was the professional path I wanted to take. They have been highly supportive and have watched my journey unfold, watching me grow as a person and seeing the success I've been building for myself.
If you can without breaching trust, talk about a recent difficult conversation or scene you've had with a sub or partner. Are you satisfied with how things turned out? What would you have done differently?
At the beginning of the year, I had started dating someone who was also sub. From my side, things seemed to be going really well. Getting to know one another, talking about plans to do things together, travel and work on my space. I didn't see any signs or red flags, at all. A few months in, one random morning, after a very seemingly normal night time chat, I sent a good morning message and never heard anything back. I was ghosted. Which suffice to say, I was not satisfied. I was worried, confused and I had questions. I didn't get any answers until about 2 months later and by then I felt I was being fed a bunch of excuses and lies.
It's not that I would have done anything differently, I just learned that communication is a lot more important than I already thought it was. For any relationship to work, romantic, dynamic, friendship, communication is extremely important. If I had more of that, maybe we would have been able to do things differently. I’ll never know.
What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?
My dogs! HA! The drive to keep going and keep pursuing this passion. I want to keep learning and progressing my skills. I want to be a better Mistress for my submissive's. I want to continue the fight for sex worker equality and rights. I want to have a space of inclusivity, freedom, and openness. On a personal level, I am freeing myself. Every day, I get to be more of who I am and who I was meant to be.
What do you think about while lying in bed, alone with your thoughts?
So many different things. I think about the day, what happened, what I accomplished or didn't accomplish. I think about different session ideas and scenarios. I think about the things I would love to add to my space with furniture and equipment to decor. I think about possibilities, where I might be in 5, 10, 20 years. I think about my relationships with my submissive's, the things we talk about and do together. I think about what my family is up to and how they are doing. On any given night, while laying in bed, I'm thinking about numerous things.
Which outfit (kinky or not) makes you feel most powerful?
I feel most powerful in something that is tight fitting and revealing enough to tease, but leave enough to the imagination. Tight bodysuits/catsuits, latex and leather, lacy lingerie sets. I have days when I feel most powerful and comfortable in a pair of joggers and a t-shirt.
Furthest you traveled as a professional? Where would you like to go?
Touring and traveling is something I still need to do. YET! It hasn't been something I have focused my time and funds on. I want to travel through the US and visit the cities where some of my favorite professionals play. Arizona, Washington, New York, Ohio, Florida, California, Texas. Internationally, I want to visit as many places as I can.
What is an author or book series that you used to love but have outgrown?
James Patterson's Women's Murder Club Series. I still love the series, so much that I keep adding the new releases. Outgrown is different from the word I would use, refocus. I have refocused my reading on BDSM/fetish-related materials. Things like rope tying/knots, mind play, and bondage practice. I've also been focusing on adding to my library with books I've always wanted and the series that have been turned into TV shows/movies that I've really enjoyed (some I didn't know were a book series first). I'll never outgrow books.
What about you do you think would most surprise your past self? (pick an age)
Any age before 23 or so. My past self might have thought I was this deranged, crazy person. I've known about this lifestyle and BDSM since I started watching porn at age 15-16, which I kept pretty vanilla. If I came across the more extreme content, I just quickly clicked away from it. It's not that it wasn't interesting to me, or I was scared; I just didn't understand it. The more adult I became, the more understanding I received, which garnered more interest for myself. Most consider me a late bloomer, as I didn't really embrace this lifestyle until my 30s. But all that time before was 'in the closet' learning, watching, and experimenting.
What was the pivotal moment when you realized that you were different from most and seized the power you found you had?
The most pivotal moment was only a few years ago, when I decided to leave a long term and very abusive relationship to really focus on myself and move forward with what I wanted to do. Throughout the last 10 years or so, I’ve had many moments of clarification that I was different. Certain relationships I've had over the years, showed me that I had more power than I realized and was being suppressed.
What are the characteristics in you that are common in your professional and personal personas?
The way I am personally is what I bring to the table professionally. I bring my quirkiness, nerdiness, and weirdness into my sessions, conversations, and everyday interactions with my submissive's and clients. I am as authentic as I can possibly be.
How many subs is too many subs?
The fantasy is to have an entire harem full of slaves ready to serve and obey at the flick of a finger, right?! Personally, I keep my numbers small. Currently, I have 4 close, long-term submissive's. With training, playing, and being friends, I don't want to stretch my energy further. The same goes for my professional side. I would love to have the energy to have new players and sessions every day, but I can only spread my energy and time so far. I like to stay focused and in tune with those close to me and those who seek me out to indulge in fantasy and fetish.
What's an ideal day for you?
I am a simple creature when it comes down to it. My favorite things to do are just chill and hang out. Not having to do anything fancy or make a big deal out of things. Movies, food, and games are some of my favorite things. I like being outside in parks, hiking, camping, and fishing. Alone, I love to be at home with my dogs. I like to catch up on TV shows I've missed or read.
What TV or Movies (or other media) awoke kinks in you for the first time, or awoke new kinks later on?
Xena: Warrior Princess. Something about her was fascinating. It was when I was older I understood why. Strong, Powerful women. In charge and getting shit done. Catwoman Michelle Pfieffer in that catsuit awoke an animal in me. My love of science fiction adds new elements to my scenes and roleplays.
What are aspects of the lifestyle that you wish were better represented in depictions of kink/BDSM?
I wish that mainstream media would stop representing the BDSM lifestyle as taboo and dirty. Portraying people who live this way or incorporate fetish into their lives somehow as delinquents or deviants.
If you could change any aspects of society to make it the ideal paradise for kink, what would you change?
Decriminalization, first and foremost. Sex worker's rights are still rights. I think more people would be able to live their lives the way they want, without so much stigma, hate, and judgment. Where we can talk more openly about what we do as a chosen career and not have to worry about our financial institutions banning or shutting down our accounts. Our chosen careers don't make us look less like humans when we become victims of sex trafficking, sexual assault, and abuse. More institutions teaching and offering classes on sex education that broach more obscure and non-obscure fetish/kink topics. Living in a society that doesn't label us delinquents, deviants, addicts, or mentally unstable.
What's the funniest thing that's ever happened in a scene?
The first thing that always comes to mind is when I was doing a semi-intense pet play scene, and we were both down on the floor, kind of play fighting. They pushed back just a bit and ended up pushing me nearly 5 feet backward. We both instantly broke into a fit of laughter.
Another funny time was getting warmed up for an intense corporal scene, and within the first few strokes of the cane, it snapped in half. This was after already breaking two canes before that, and in the middle of the scene (and recording), I yelled out, “I broke ANOTHER ONE?” and we both went into hysterics.
What's the most touching thing that's happened in a scene?
The most touching part of any of my scenes is the aftercare. Connecting after a deep, intense scene. Feeling the buzz of the energy in the room. But specifically when my sub nestles their head in my lap. At that moment, they are safe, cared for, and validated in their role.
What is the most scary thing to happen during a scene?
I have had someone black out while bound. A lot of excitement and adrenaline coursed through their bodies, and they just went limp. I had to scramble and rush to unbind their wrists and carry them to the ground. They came to a few seconds later, a bit hazy; we worked on steadying their breathing and getting them fluids. We stopped the scene immediately and focused on making sure they were okay.
Thank You for reading! xx
Comments